In PEOPLE's exclusive first look at 'The Dark Side of Reality TV', the reality star opens up about the "traumatic" way she learned about her mother's death while filming 'Real Housewives of Orange County'
Vicki Gunvalson will never get over the day she learned of her mother's passing.
In PEOPLE's first look at the Real Housewives episode of Vice's The Dark Side of Reality TV series, the reality star, 62, looked back at the "traumatic" way she was told her mother, Joanne Steinmetz, had died while filming The Real Housewives of Orange County.
"We were playing Bunko at Shannon [Beador]'s," she begins, sharing how all of her family members were trying to get in touch with her. When she didn't answer the phone, her loved ones called production.
Related: Vicki Gunvalson Responds to Tamra Judge's Crying Video: ‘She's a Good Actress’
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"Brianna [her daughter] had been calling, calling, calling, and they kept telling her, 'Well, she's filming right now, blah, blah, blah,'" Gunvalson recalls. "She's like, 'I need to talk to my mom right now.'"
Eventually, the businesswoman says production relented and set up Beador's wrapping paper room with "lights and cameramen."
"I was really upset that production knew for an hour, and they didn't tell me. They were out of line, and I think they should have taken me aside and said, 'Your mom has passed. Talk to your daughter off camera,'" she shares. "If I was a producer, that's what I would've done."
"Let me scream and cry on my own and be mad. It was very, very traumatic. I will never forgive Bravo for that," she adds.
A representative for Bravo had no comment when reached by PEOPLE.
Related: Vicki Gunvalson Honored with Bravo's 'Wifetime' Achievement Award: 'I Love You All'
In season 10 episode five, Gunvalson collapsed on the floor and broke into tears when she received a call from her daughter Briana, informing her of her mother's death.
"Oh, my God. I don’t want to believe this," she said at the time. "I just talked to her this morning."
“I just want my mom back. I want my mom,” Gunvalson continued. “I have to go see my mom right now. I want to be with my mom. I need her every day. I need her so bad. Who’s going to worry about me? I don’t have parents now. I need my parents. I need my mom."
Though Gunvalson now looks back at the moment negatively, she previously stated that she didn't blame the network for airing the scene during an appearance on Watch What Happens Live with Andy Cohen in 2015.
Related: Vicki Gunvalson's Biggest 'Real Housewives of Orange County' Meltdowns
"Mom wasn't in the scene. It was just me getting the news of it," she said, adding that the cameras didn't capture in her "death bed."
At the time, she admitted that she hadn't seen the moment on television but claimed she was "not going to be upset about it because it's part of my reality."
"I lost my mother and I signed up for all areas of my life to be exposed, the good and the bad," Gunvalson explained. "There's been a lot of great moments that have been aired and there's a lot of moments that I wish wasn't on a reality show. This is not a moment that I feel, as of right now, I regret."
The reality star claimed that "statistically people are going to lose their parents" and shared how grateful she was to have had such a close relationship with her mother.
"I don't blame Bravo, I don't blame Evolution, I don't blame anybody," she added. "It's my life."
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The Dark Side of Reality TV airs Tuesdays at 9 p.m. ET on Vice.
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