Love expert Paul C Brunson is on a mission to help everyone find their perfect match. Known for his advice on shows like Celebs Go Dating and Married At First Sight UK, the charming New Yorker has become one of the most trusted voices in love.
Now based in London at 50, Paul is partnering with eBay and Love Island to encourage the nation to let go of what's holding them back. He shares with us the secrets of his own marriage to wife Jill, with whom he has two sons, Liam and Kingston.
He also gives his thoughts on Love Island: All Stars and offers tips on how contestants can form genuine connections...
Hi, Paul! You certainly practise what you preach, as you’ve been happily married for 23 years. What’s a typical date night for you and your wife?
I mean, we’re all over the place, doing everything. When I say everything, it could be as basic as hopping on the bus — that could end up becoming a date because what we’ll do is ride the whole line, get off at certain stops, take pictures, make it a photo-taking competition, send it to our niece, she’ll judge to see who has the best photo. Or we could decide to fly to Romania this weekend and go to Vlad Tepes’ Castle and explore the history there. It’s the full range. That’s the beauty of having a great partner that you enjoy spending time with – you just want to explore the world with that person.
You seem quite spontaneous – are you?
Well, I’ve never bought a plane ticket more than like an hour before [laughs]. I’m joking, but everyone knows I’m like, ‘Let’s go to New York tomorrow,’ you know? ‘Who wants to come?’
Let’s talk about Love Island – who do you think is showing up as their most authentic self?
I would say, Maya Jama [laughs]. That one’s hard because you never know until it’s a relationship. It’s like, ‘Is this person good for me?’ You don’t know until you’ve been with that person through the ups and downs. So, we won’t know who’s most authentic until the show wraps. That’s the test – and when you really see who’s going to last on the outside.
What advice would you give the Islanders to make a lasting connection on the outside?
In essence, insulate yourself. It’s very important that you spend as much time with that person, and maintain a regular schedule. I think when a lot of people get off a show like Love Island and get back to the real world, it’s like, ‘OK, how can I leverage the media attention.’ But you have to say no, create boundaries and spend as much time with the other person as possible.
What would you say are the key ingredients for making a relationship work in a high-pressure environment such as Love Island?
Being true to yourself. I have a lot of friends who have been on Love Island, and what I’ve realised is that those who truly fell in love dropped the expectations. Instead of thinking, ‘I need to get out of here with someone or be in a couple at the end so I can win’, they focused on the moments. They thought, ‘Let me just stay in this moment, catch this vibe.’ Checking in with your actual emotions is key. There’s something called the emotion wheel, which is a great tool that more people should use. It helps you pause and recognise what emotion you’re feeling in a given moment.
So if you had to break it down into key things, what would they be?
Focus on the moments – be present instead of obsessing over the long-term outcome. Check in with how you feel. Be true to yourself – dress the way that expresses you, talk the way you naturally do, and don’t seek external validation. People can always spot those who aren’t being real on the show. The authentic ones are either the ones who make it all the way or, like Scott and Ron, realise, ‘This isn’t for me’ and leave. Authenticity is everything.
Is reality TV really the best place to find love?
A question I get a lot is, ‘If you’re on reality TV, does that mean you’re not interested in love?’ No. Everyone on TV has an interest in moving their career or building a brand. But that’s 99% of people on social media. If you get an opportunity to do that in front of two million people on primetime ITV, you’re gonna do the same. But does it mean because you’re doing those things you don’t want companionship? No, it doesn’t – two things can be true.
Where do you see your podcast We Need To Talk in the future?
I have big projections for that, but I truly believe we’re going to be one of the top podcasts in the world. I love doing it.
If you weren’t a relationship expert, what would you be doing?
I’d be a history teacher. History is my favourite subject, and I love teaching. In my downtime, if it’s not football – because I’m involved with a football club – I’m just doing history deep dives all the time. I just love all aspects of it.
Love Island: All Stars’ pre-loved fashion partner, eBay, is teaming up with dating expert Paul C Brunson to empower the nation to let go of things in their lives that are holding them back, such as unworn clothes
