Molly-Mae Hague admitted she has found the lead-up to Christmas 'very sad' and 'mentally heavy' this year, as she prepares to celebrate the holiday without her ex-fiancé Tommy Fury for the first time.
The former Love Island star, 25, took to her YouTube on Christmas Eve to share a new vlog with her and the boxer's 23-month-old daughter Bambi's visiting Lapland UK and baking cookies to leave out for Santa.
And while she put on a brave face and threw herself into getting in the festive spirit, she admitted that she was 'struggling' with the season this year and feeling 'really deflated'.Speaking directly to the camera, Molly-Mae explained that the time of year had brought up a lot of emotions, adding: 'When you've got things going on in your personal life it can really make it feel 10 times worse.'
It marked a drastic change from Christmas Eve last year, which she celebrated with Tommy, 25, before the pair shocked fans in the summer when they announced they'd split after five years.
She explained her low mood had meant she'd not filmed as much, with her being reluctant to project 'fake happiness' and confessed that she had broken down in tears on Monday night.
Molly-Mae Hague admitted she has found the lead-up to Christmas 'very sad' and 'mentally heavy' this year, as she prepares to celebrate the holiday without her ex-fiancé Tommy Fury for the first time
The former Love Island star, 25, took to her YouTube on Christmas Eve to share a new vlog with her and the boxer's 23-month-old daughter Bambi's visiting Lapland UK and baking cookies to leave out for Santa
It marked a drastic change from Christmas Eve last year, which she celebrated with Tommy, 25, before the pair shocked fans in the summer when they announced they'd split after five years (pictured together)
Molly-Mae said: 'I haven't not felt in the Christmas mood, but I haven't really been vlogging because I have been feeling quite mentally heavy over the last few days. And I've been struggling a bit more than I usually do.'
She went on: 'I don't really know why - well I do know why actually. But I just have found the last few days quite challenging mentally and I have been quite down to be honest and I haven't felt like picking up my camera.
'And even if I had picked up my camera it would be like fake happiness and fake giddiness about Christmas and I would never come on and act a way that I'm not feeling.
'Hence why I'm coming on now and telling you that I have been feeling a little bit low.'
Molly-Mae reflected: 'It's so sad when people say that Christmas brings up emotions and for people it can be a really really sad time of the year and I feel like I've been so blessed in my life, I've never really felt that way at Christmas, it's always been a really positive time for me.
'But I feel like this is the first Christmas ever where I can really understand what people talk about when they talk about how it really makes you feel.
'Like when you've got things going on in your personal life it can really bring it all up and make it feel 10 times worse.'
The influencer continued: 'So I've just been feeling just really deflated and my weekend at Taylor and Jack's was surprisingly incredibly hard for multiple reasons.
And while she put on a brave face and threw herself into getting in the festive spirit, she admitted that she was 'struggling' with the season this year and feeling 'really deflated'
Elsewhere in the video, Molly-Mae chatted to her best pal Tayla-Blue Watts about how people had noticed she was having a tough time in the comments of her vlogs
'It's Christmas Eve Eve and I'm coming on here literally sounding so down, but I just want to be honest with you guys.
'Honestly the whole weekend at Taylor and Jack's, Bambi cried. She cried for two days straight and that was very heavy for me. I know I keep using the word heavy but that's the only way to describe how I feel - it sits heavy.
Molly-Mae candidly confessed: 'I actually had a good cry this evening. I had a good cry and let it all out.'
But she added: 'I actually feel a little bit guilty because all my family have come down because I'm hosting this year and I was sitting feeling incredible guilt that I wasn't being the best host and letting them down because they've come all this way.
'I just didn't feel like I could really be present because I have a lot of stuff on my mind and I was just thinking about a lot and feeling quite sad.
'Gonna wake up with hopefully a more positive attitude tomorrow, and we go again. I'm sorry the start of this vlog has been a complete disaster, because the last few days have been a complete disaster really.
'Not to put a downer on Christmas, because I think Christmas is amazing and I'm so lucky to have my loved ones around me, but for obvious reasons, this year is feeling very sad. That's no one's fault, it's just a sad situation.'
Elsewhere in the video, Molly-Mae chatted to her best pal Tayla-Blue Watts about how people had noticed she was having a tough time in the comments of her vlogs.
She also revealed that Tommy had visited the house on Monday night dressed as Santa to surprise Bambi, showing how the exes were amicably co-parenting
Her positive comments about time with Tommy came hours after the release of a trailer for her new Prime series Behind It All - where she got tearful about their split (pictured)
She said: 'Sometimes people write things about me as a mum under my videos and the accuracy - people have really worked me out as a mum.
'Because I'm constantly saying I'm in fight or flight and they're like,"I think you're dealing with something". And I'm like probably, yeah.'
During the video, she went to get her nails and hair done for Christmas Day to cheer herself up, before doing baking with her daughter.
She also revealed that Tommy had visited the house on Monday night dressed as Santa to surprise Bambi, showing how the exes were amicably co-parenting.
Speaking to their toddler, Molly-Mae said: 'Daddy came and dressed up as Santa didn't he? Was he at the door and did he go "Ho, ho ho, Merry Christmas!" It was so funny wasn't it?'
Explaining to her fans, she went on: 'I got Tommy a Santa outfit, because I really wanted her to meet Santa and not have a crying experience because every time she's met Santa in December so far she's hated it.
'But Tommy came round and dressed up as Santa real quick and she met him instantly knew it was him. He was completely covered but she could see his eyes and she knew straight away. And she thought it was the funniest thing ever.'
Molly-Mae and Tommy were seen back in each other's company at the weekend, as they reunited for a festive day out with Bambi in Cheshire, on Saturday.
The trailer showed the Maebe owner break down in tears as she admitted to feeling 'angry' and 'hurt' by Tommy, describing the aftermath of their split as the worst months of her entire life
Speaking about the reunion in her previous vlog, the mother-of-one said: 'Tommy and I took Bambi to a soft play yesterday together, which was actually a really lovely thing to do and was really enjoyable to do that together.'
Her positive comments about time with Tommy came hours after the release of a trailer for her new Prime series Behind It All - where she got tearful about their split.
The trailer showed the Maebe owner break down in tears as she admitted to feeling 'angry' and 'hurt' by Tommy.
She added that the couple were 'utterly obsessed' with each other until the sudden breakdown of their five-year relationship, describing the aftermath of their split as the worst months of her entire life.
In a first look at her six-part series with Prime Video, Molly says: 'All I ever wanted was to get married and suddenly overnight every part of my life changed…'
Viewers are given an insight into why the couple's picture-perfect romance fell apart as Molly is filmed having a heated row with Tommy over the phone.
She says: 'I'm actually not having this conversation with you' before the boxer hangs up and Molly rolls her eyes in frustration, commenting: 'Ah, honestly…'
During an emotional talk with her mother, she reveals the depth of her heartbreak, admitting: 'I am angry at him, and I am very hurt…' before she's filmed hugging daughter Bambi saying: 'I feel like sometimes it just really hits you that I'm in this alone now.'
Molly reflects on the moment she got engaged to Tommy, replaying the video of his Ibizan clifftop proposal while admitting all she wanted was to spend her life with the boxer
She's filmed hugging daughter Bambi saying: 'I feel like sometimes it just really hits you that I'm in this alone now'
Reflecting on his daughter's overnight success, which saw her go from Love Island contestant to the UK's biggest influencer, Molly's father Stephen, says: 'She's just a normal girl, she just has the world's eyes on her.'
Molly's sister Zoe, adds: 'There is a whole other side to Molly…'
Proving the show will be a family affair, Molly's grandmother also features, as she hilariously comments: 'It's very sexy clothes…' while speaking about the star's new fashion line.
The documentary series follows Molly as she navigates her breakup from Tommy, launches her first clothing business Maebe and parents the couple's daughter Bambi, who is also seen in the preview clip speaking the words, 'Dada.'
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