If you tried to make a list of all of Phaedra Parks’ vocations, you’d be here all day. But we can note a few to start: attorney, equestrian, mortician, and professional reunion reader, among others. The southern belle first graced our screens in season three of The Real Housewives of Atlanta and quickly cemented herself as a woman with an affinity for all things high-class and a penchant for stirring up gossip (tea cups and wide brim hats included). It’s been nearly eight years since her dramatic departure from the show in 2017, and unlike the cadavers she now beautifies, she’s coming back—and taking names. This Sunday marks her long-awaited return to the franchise and, to ring in the occasion, Parks took our Rorschach Test, dishing on fashion faux pas, funeral homes, and the Housewives drama on everyone’s minds: the Kenya Moore stunt.
POPE FRANCIS
“Oh my gosh, he was the people’s Pope. I think it’s a testament to his life that he delivered the Easter blessing and died on Easter Monday. Unfortunately, he had to meet with the Vice President—that probably wasn’t a good sign.”
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SURGEONS
“I think I’m a surgeon, I just operate on people who are already dead.”
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FRAUD
“It’s popular now. It might even be in the Presidential office. However, we won’t go into politics.”
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PEACHES
“Delicious, especially if there’s a lot of crust and a warm syrup and some ice cream with it.”
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KENYA MOORE’S STUNT
“Oh, the network says no on that one.”
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TARIFFS
“It’s so unfortunate. It would be great if we actually made things in the United States. But since we don’t produce anything, it’s not going to serve our best interest to impose tariffs because it’s going to make people spend a lot more money on things that could have gotten for pennies on the dollar.”
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SOUTHERN HOSPITALITY
“That makes me think of myself—being the quintessential southern belle, loving to say ‘please and ‘thank you.’ There’s not enough of it.”
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CT TAMBURELLO
“He was one of the best things that ever happened during my season of The Traitors. I probably would’ve killed myself had it not been for CT’s encouragement. And he’s got the best head of hair you’ve ever seen.”
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FAKE FUR
“Oh, why would you ever do that?”
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LYING
“You’ve got people who tell the truth, and you’ve got people who embellish. It’s a part of life, I think. It can be interesting to make things a little juicier than what they are or should be.”
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ASSIGNED SEATING
“I like order, I love protocols. I’m even for arranged marriages if the people know you well enough.”
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MEDIUM-SIZED PIZZA
“Well, it’s better than a small, but it won’t make you as fat as a large will.”
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VAPING
“Oh gosh, vaping is so horrible. I’m happy that it doesn’t smell bad, but I think it’s geared towards children and I don’t like it at all.”
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PRE-NUPS
“That’s essential if you have something to protect. If you don’t and you’re poor, should stay away from them.”
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PARVATI SHALLOW
“Oh, I just spoke to Parvati this morning. I love Parvati. She did a drag show and was asking if I’d do one with her.”
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FUNERAL HOMES
“Ah, that’s the last destination before you meet Jesus, or burn in hell forever.”
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TMZ
“I love those guys at TMZ. They are on spot with their breaking news. Harvey’s always been very innovative, very smart and on the cutting edge.”
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LITIGATION
“The secret sauce to any type of court case is actually knowing the judges.”
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CHEATING
“Well, it depends on how you define it. I have very mixed feelings. People can have emotional relationships that are much more dangerous than a one-night stand.”
