This story is part of our ongoing “First Steps” series, where we share extraordinary stories of men who transformed their bodies, minds, and lives with a focus on the first steps it took them to get there (because, after all, nothing can change without a first step!). Read all of the stories here.
Below, Summer House star Carl Radke shares his journey, in his own words, to quitting drugs and alcohol and embracing sobriety.
IN HIGH SCHOOL, drinking was common among some people. I was kind of anti-drinking, because my brother at that time had some challenges [with substance abuse]. I think he was smoking weed and doing other things, and I was always trying to do the opposite. I was really focused on school.
I remember partaking one night. I had lukewarm Milwaukee Best Light, and I remember being so sick from a couple. I've done a lot of reflecting on my alcohol journey, and oddly enough, my first experience, I hated it. It’s funny how you keep coming back to something even though it made you sick.
I am very outgoing and social, but I was a fish out of water in college. I joined a fraternity freshman year at Syracuse, and that was a crash course in binge drinking. The initiation process alone, I mean, unbelievable amounts of alcohol were consumed. [And] I noticed that I could drink a lot. I felt like I had a tolerance like a lot of others, but I always found that the next day I could bounce back pretty quick. I almost didn't feel like drinking 20 beers the night before was that bad, because I felt great the next day.
And if Syracuse was a crash course in binge drinking, New York City was a masterclass in debauchery and late nights, accessible drugs, and terrible decisions. I developed this complex where I thought I was the man after like two whiskeys or a couple beers and a line of coke. That would be the ultimate Carl. I'm on point, funny, I'm interesting, I'm intelligent—but then it wouldn't be two whiskeys anymore. It would be like, I need five whiskeys and an 8 ball.
When I heard about what [Summer House] would be, it was really already something we were already doing. It just gave us a license to let loose on the weekends and have fun. We're already doing the exact same thing, but they're going to follow us around. What's the worst that could happen?
My first couple seasons I did a lot of screwed up things. I was a total fuckboy. I talked to multiple girls. I was partying a lot. It made me drink more. I got into this mode to get through watching where I had to drink to cope with watching myself drunk. It would help me numb the response to the public and feel more comfortable being more of an asshole.
I had to do some deep, deep soul-searching after season four. When I started filming season five of Summer House during the pandemic, I was moderating, trying to be on my best behavior. And then literally a week after my mom got married, I woke up to a phone call from her at 7:00 a.m. and heard the news that my brother had passed away the night before. And you would think that even in the next day or two, I would've been like, "All right, I'm done. I'm not drinking." It wasn't like that at all. It took me months after [he passed] to understand that I can't properly grieve and heal [from] the loss of my brother by drinking and using cocaine.
I would categorize my rock bottom as January 6th, 2021, which oddly enough was the night that the Capitol was rioted and it was very upsetting to watch. I crushed like three bottles of red wine. I ordered cocaine. Sat there on the couch, watched the news, and drank three more bottles of red wine.
I woke up to a bunch of phone calls and a bunch of concerned people, because I'd sent a bunch of crazy messages that I didn't really remember. And I remember waking up to the worst hangover I've had and the moral anxiety and stress of all the people I contacted and what I said. That’s when I was like, I cannot live like this. I have to get help.
My brother passing was a huge kick in the ass and a kick in the balls at the same time because it was obviously one of the most devastating things that's ever happened to our family. It made me really believe that I really want to have a family—but I can't get married and have a child if I don't clean up my life first. And what kind of person am I if I grieve the loss of my brother that overdosed by doing cocaine and drinking all the time?
He's my guiding force in living a cleaner life, and trying to be more present for myself and my family. Because, I mean, there's other alcoholics in our family, and there's been mental health things in our family. I have anxiety and depression. To think that I'm drinking a depressant and expecting a better, different result every time was pure insanity.
January 7th is technically my sobriety date, but I was still drunk on the seventh. So I go between the seventh and the eighth. [And] I honestly believe if I did not get sober and get help, I wouldn't be here anymore.
On day one, I didn't know if I [was] going to make it to day two, but you work through the steps and follow guidance from other sober people. This is what I did; it was messy and ugly and weird for many days in the beginning.
1) Called a friend who was sober and had been in [Alcoholics Anonymous]
2) He introduced me to a sponsor.
3) I talked to my sponsor for 30 minutes about all my problems and why I needed help. We scheduled calls every evening for one hour to read the AA Books and 12 Steps. We did this every day (for the most part) for 90 days.
4) I attended my first in-person meeting. I introduced myself as "I'm Carl and I'm alcoholic" and met other sober people. I continued to attend 90 in person/virtual meetings in 90 days.
5) I went to my therapist and explained my rock bottom and that I'm going to AA and working with a sponsor.
6) I downloaded Calm the meditation app.
7) I worked out daily and went on long walks.
8) I read bead books on sobriety.
9) I took things one day at a time. Small wins add up.
They talk a lot about people, places, and things in recovery. And I think for the first 90 days, for sure, you really need to be careful where you're going, the people you're spending your time with.
But the beauty of what I learned is that there's so many other people on the other side of that door that you're afraid to walk through. And a lot of times you open that door and it's amazing the people that I've encountered that live very healthy, fruitful lives that fell to their knees because of alcohol and drugs. I think that a lot of times when you're learning about your issue, you almost think you're the only one that has that problem.
Now, I'm not clouded with drugs or alcohol. Maybe I'm a little more boundary driven or shy, but it's me. And that's a cool thing for people to actually like me for me, because I wasn't always comfortable with myself. It's a gift that it's really just allowed me to show up in life and take it.
I want to be able to help other men because ego wise and confidence wise, I think a lot of men have developed their personas with alcohol. And you can still be a confident, strong male without it. When you have more folks that talk about [sobriety] openly and honestly, it creates an environment where people are more open to actually asking questions and asking for help. If I can make one person that watches Summer House or one person that follows me get sober, get help, feel less alone, make a call to check in on a friend, that is what it's all about.
